City Bites - First Class Crap

This blog got featured in Mumbai DNA 'Around the Blog' on page 6, 17th Oct 2011.

After very many ages, I have had the misfortune to return travelling in Mumbai Suburban trains. For those fortunate enough to have not seen what the popularly known as local trains look like, by and large, they are nothing more than 12 massive ugly red and yellow garbage tins put together, with a few doors and windows, on rails with people infested during most hours. And this of course is the best possible treatment for India’s financial capital and highest tax paying city.

There are three routes; Western – which runs Churchgate to the Western suburb of Borivali and beyond; Central – which runs from CST to the Central suburb of Mulund and beyond; and finally harbour that runs from CST along the docks to Mankhurd and beyond. Society has always seen divides and the Suburban trains are no exception. The Western lines have now managed quite a few rather sophisticated and swanky trains, which the Central line is struggling with and the Harbour line has barely managed. 

Coming back to my misfortune; after debating whether there are more viruses/flies/mosquitoes and like in Mumbai or more people (and I think the later wins), I went ahead with a ‘First Class’ monthly pass. Now, apart from the compartment for ladies and those with special needs, the local trains have ‘First’ and ‘Second’ class. So, what do you get for a First class upgrade? State-of-the-art Shape-of-the-arse no-more-foam cushioned seats, only three people sit on a 3-foot long seat instead of 4 people, possible less infestation and a possible hint of a vague cologne amongst hundreds of perspiring bodies. Sure, you don’t want to know what goes on in the other Second class!

A view of the interiors of the First Class compartment in a Mumbai Suburban Train. For more pictures of Mumbai, click here. 

So yeah, I entered one such train on the severely step Harbour route and I am faced with a great travesty of recent times. After having paid 3.5 times the cost of a Second class season ticket, I was faced with even more sagging seats and backrests that what I ever imagined and a compartment that desperately needed to be sanitised; may be garbage trucks abroad are cleaner. 

You'll now understand why they need to be sanitised. For more pictures of India, click here.

There was a joke doing the rounds when I was a child – A foreign national touring Mumbai was caught by a ticket checker in a First class compartment with a second class ticket. The TC told him he did not have a valid ticket and hence he would need to pay a fine. The tourist replied that his ticket is valid indeed because the source and destination stations are correct. To which the TC replied, ‘That is correct, but having bought a Second class ticket, you’re in a compartment which is First class.’ The tourist jumped off and exclaimed, ‘You call this First Class?’ And yeah, the TC hung his head low, and walked off!

I wish we Mumbaikars can slap off the same statement!

The Adrenaline Rush - Indian Ministry is run by Jokers

‘Have you ever been involved in, supported, or encouraged terrorist activities in any country? Have you, ever been a member of, or given support to an organisation that has been concerned in terrorism?’

Visa forms for plenty of countries require you to answer this question; and I guess honestly. Though I wonder if a terrorist is ever going to tick Yes, but that’s another story altogether. What appears from the regular terrorist attacks on people in India is that India on the other hand seems to thrive on taking challenges. May be they do receive such applications with a Yes and also end up approving them. That seems to form the intelligence; the guys then probably pass that information to the police, who of course fail to take diligent action and ‘BOMB!’

So what happens when you tick ‘No’; well that’s something Nico Rosberg of Petronas Mercedes GP and half of the Formula 1 teams would know because they just learnt it first hand. It is ridiculous and embarrassing for India and we as Indians that visas are denied and/or rejected for sports persons, media, journalists, musicians and people of similar acclaim. Yes, we might be amongst the rare commonwealth nations to deny direct entry to British passport holders, but that’s just a fair and square protocol. No doubt, the visa should be required and must be issued with appropriate documentation, but can it and should it not be better facilitated for people who’s biography is easily available on Wikipedia coming for an event half the world knows about?

Nico Rosberg of Petronas Mercedes GP at the 2011 Malaysian Grand Prix. For more photos on Formula 1, click here.

 

It is also pathetic of the customs department to levy an INR 400 crore import duty for the equipment being used for the inaugural Indian Grand Prix, which is supposed to be held in Greater Noida in October 2011. They would refund the same with a 2% deduction after the goods leave India, but that is just such an opportunistic way to get some money off a privately managed event. Why; just because the government hasn’t been able to make money and mockery like the Commonwealth Games last year?

This lame, irresponsible and shallow behaviour of the Indian Ministry is not going to help an international event of the magnitude of the F1. It may be a private event, but it is going to fetch the government hoards of money in form of taxes and tourism. In any event, it is certainly not a way to spread India’s name across the many first timers who are simply excited and delighted to be coming and participating in India. 

It’s time to wake up and take a step forward and assist Jaypee in putting up a smooth and successful event rather than causing embarrassment to the entire nation. If the Jokers in the Ministry don’t wake up, we’ll be a global laughing stock for the second year in succession!

City Bites - This City Sucks!

Pretty damn sure that at some stage or the other we’ve all spoke our heart out and screamed aloud ‘THIS CITY SUCKS’! And this is despite the fact that we so love the city we grew, studied, lived or worked in. Attribute it to human nature, the grass is and always will be greener on the other side; but only until you get there!

So a guy in a remote village of India with no electricity wants to be at the nearest town that has life after dark. The guy in that town with little social life wants to be in the nearest city that has a few multiplexes, malls, eating joints and pubs. And that guy in the city who’s bored of the same old rut wants to be at a metro like Delhi, Mumbai or Bangalore. 

And then that dude/dame who’s living a lavish life with a high paying job, uses the very latest in gadgets and drives around in a cool street machine, is pissed off with the city traffic, never ending taxation and ever rising costs. He/she wants to and deserves to make that extra buck and this city doesn’t deserve him/her. So they want to be in a place like New Work living the dream life at a tower in Manhattan. 

Now what – run for elections, get power, gain control and have people running to your tunes? And then the ultimate step – The Chair in the White House. A year into that and all you’d probably want is to be at a small fishing village in South East Asia, eating, drinking and being merry!